Over a decade ago I was working at a job in Colorado Springs. It was a long commute and on my way home one night I was listening to the radio. My favorite show at the time was called The Sports Zoo, and it was a Zoo with a bit of sports worked into it. As I drove the hosts were interviewing a fellow that was selling sugar gliders at a local sports show event. He described them and how they were so small and cute and friendly and could soar through the air.
Right after the segment ended my cell phone rings. It is my wife.
wife: "Do you know what a sugar glider is?"
me: "Funny you should ask because I just found out about them myself you must be listening to the Sports Zoo."
wife: "I want one!"
me: "Are you sure? they sound all cute and fuzzy and all but....."
wife: "Oh it will be mine, I will feed it and take care of it you will not have to do any of that."
By this time I am thinking that my wife had regressed into a 6 year old wanting a puppy.
wife: "well I want one."
I get home and suddenly we are headed into downtown Denver for the Sportsman's Expo to check out sugar gliders. We get there pay our 20 dollar entrance fee and spend the next hour or so wandering around asking random strangers about sugar gliders. Most of them look at us like we are insane but we did find... the glider man. He had Shakespeare in his pocket, no not a long dead English writer, but a small gray animal that was jumping between him and delighted children.
Most sugar gliders are grey, 6 inches long with another 6 inches provided by a fluffy tail. they have big eyes and big ears and very very soft fur. They are adorable and charming little critters that we were assured were easy to care for and lots of fun after they bond with you. My wife cooed over little Shakespeare.
"I must have one" she stated, so we asked the glider man how much. He said that a glider joey, gliders are marsupials so their young are called joeys just like kangaroos, and cage was 400 dollars. My wife panicked. We were short on cash at the moment and tomorrow was payday. She asked the glider man if he would take a check. The glider man did not accept checks. I went home with a very sad wife.
The next day I get a call at work.
wife: "I have 400 dollars!"
me: "How did you... No I do not want to know."
wife: "I want a glider!"
me: "Are you sure...."
wife: "Yes! yes! I am sure! I will be responsible for him and take care of him and feed him. You will not have to do anything. It will be mine."
me: "Ok if that is what you want."
Once again we head back into Denver on the train and hand over another 20 dollars to access the expo. she runs up to the glider man and hands over 400 dollars. In return we get a 3 foot by 3foot by 3 foot metal cage, a cloth bonding pouch, some glider kibble, glider propaganda, a cdrom about gliders, an exercise wheel and she is directed to pick out her joey.
The glider man picks up a small cloth pouch and inside are several very small sleeping grey furballs. The wife sticks her hand in and all hell breaks loose. There is a sound like a dozen chainsaws and she pulls out a squirming and screaming bundle of fur and she puts it in the provided bonding pouch and proceeds to suck on her bitten and bleeding finger. The glider, who the wife will happily name Zathras is in the pouch making an ungodly mechanical whirring chainsaw sound that we will find out later is called crabbing.
It is at this point where I should say that when people find out we have sugar gliders someone will speak up and say "My daughter wanted a sugar glider so we....." They get this far in the story and I am laughing so hard I can barely see knowing the tale of pain and terror that is coming.
It is February in Denver Colorado, sugar gliders are from Indonesia and Australia so we head as quickly as we can for home, Zathras needs to be kept warm. Because the wife has the little whirring wee beastey in the bonding pouch around her neck I have to care for the cage on the the train ride home. Every few minutes Zathras would quiet down and the wife would get worried about him open the pouch and stick her hand in. Zathras would crab "NEE NEE NEE NEE NEE" and proceed to try and eat my wife. The "NEE NEE NEE NEE" is at a sound level like standing 30 feet away from Air Force One taking off and yes the other riders did notice that something was up.
We get home, Zathras is ok, and the wife is more or less still intact but the bandaid box will not survive the night. We set the cage up in the bed room. I attach the bonding pouch and set up the exercise wheel, a dish of water and another dish of glider kibble. The wife is busy with the glider brochures and all that kind of stuff when she says that there must be more information about them and directs me to do research. Zathras is now mostly quiet, he is sticking his head out of his pouch and looking suspiciously around. If he sees us, he dives back into his bag with a sharp NEE NEE NEE!
I start researching and the more I research the more I begin to dread what we have brought into our house. Yes, yes sugar gliders can be fun and charming but to get to the fun and charming part of owning sugar gliders you have to get the glider to bond with you even though you are not small and floofy with big eyes and ears. If you happen to be small floofly with big eyes and ears you should see a doctor.
It takes months to bond with your sugar glider. It takes many boxes of bandaids to stop the bleeding as your small furry but surprisingly loud ninja tries to eat you. Gliders are also a lot more work than the glider man let on. they have a special diet consisting of mostly chicken baby food, yogurt drink, honey, hard boiled eggs, and grain cereal with calcium supplements. The glider kibble Zathras was sent home with is not an acceptable food for gliders. Now for the quiz. Who as two thumbs and was immediately tasked with preparing the glider food, feeding the glider, watering the glider, cleaning the cage etc? ... yea that would be me.
We found out other things about gliders.
1. single gliders do not do well, they are colony animals and need other gliders for emotional health. - we now need a second glider.
2. The 3 foot by 3foot cage was way too small for a glider - we now need a bigger cage
3. Once your glider is bonded they absolutely live to poop and pee on you. It is their greatest goal in life. - more laundry
4. some states do not allow you to keep sugar gliders. - Colorado allows people to own sugar gliders
5. oh and they throw their food.... everywhere. baby food, yogurt, and honey is sticky.
Over the next couple years we increased our colony. We added Chewy. The wife declared that Chewy was my glider so I could no longer bring up the "you promised to take care of them" defense while cleaning the cage. Next came the sisters from a glider rescue place... Lilo and Nani. we added Gabby, another rescue who had her tail chewed off before she came to live with us.
Yes gliders are fun, and cute and cuddly, once they stop trying to eat you. Playtime is always great, after they poop and pee on you. They love toys and a well bonded glider is a great thing to have. I would however never suggest that gliders are good pets. and they are definitely not good pets for children.
A well cared for glider will live for over 10 years. some will live to be 12 to 15 years. They are a big responsibility. You have to feed them the correct food. You need to find a vet that will not look at your glider and go "what the hell is that thing?" They need lots of space, they make messes. When your wife leaves the cage open they get lose and jump on your face in the middle of the night.
Over the past couple years we lost, Lilo, then Nani, then Gabby. Zathras died last year in my hands, he was old. Chewy was just rehomed with a glider rescue group here in Denver. He was very lonely with out his buddy and it was best for him.
Most people get gliders without knowing much about them, Yes my wife and I were one of those people. If you want gliders.... Do research, lots and lots of research find a local glider rescue, too many people get gliders and can not take care of them so they give them up. They need good homes.
PS. Got a note from colorado suggie savers regarding chewy. He is healthy and was integrated with another glider his age. Chewy now has a glider buddy and is doing very well and is happy.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I need a theme....
Not just a theme a purpose.... maybe even some encoragement in regards to my blogg.
I have one... now what the hell do I do with it?
I can not eat it... *throws some salsa on the screen and tries to nibble on it*... nope still can't eat it.
I do not want this to be a place where I rant and rave. I work in customer service so I have truckloads of stuff to rant and rave about. some of them are even funny. Is that what you guys want from me? I hope not you can get that stuff elsewhere. Plus if my employer found out I could get fired. I may not be all that thrilled with my job but it is mine and jobs are hard to come by these days.
blogg about my cats? well Mins is 14 and spends her day sleeping, begging for food, eating and vomiting. Not much there. Catzilla just lays around and is all floofy all day.
Politics. Meh yes I vote. yes I care but I really do not want to blog about it. There are enough blowhards out there.
Indian stuff? well there is possibilities in that but there are things that are so personal that I will not tell complete strangers and the last thing I want is a bunch of ruck rubbing bliss bunny crystal twinkies drooling all over my blog. New Agers make me want to kick kittens, they really do.
I need something different, something new and fun.
to my friends out there... what do you want to hear about? what do you like? with what I have done so far? what do you hate?
help.
Please comment... let me know you are out there.
I have one... now what the hell do I do with it?
I can not eat it... *throws some salsa on the screen and tries to nibble on it*... nope still can't eat it.
I do not want this to be a place where I rant and rave. I work in customer service so I have truckloads of stuff to rant and rave about. some of them are even funny. Is that what you guys want from me? I hope not you can get that stuff elsewhere. Plus if my employer found out I could get fired. I may not be all that thrilled with my job but it is mine and jobs are hard to come by these days.
blogg about my cats? well Mins is 14 and spends her day sleeping, begging for food, eating and vomiting. Not much there. Catzilla just lays around and is all floofy all day.
Politics. Meh yes I vote. yes I care but I really do not want to blog about it. There are enough blowhards out there.
Indian stuff? well there is possibilities in that but there are things that are so personal that I will not tell complete strangers and the last thing I want is a bunch of ruck rubbing bliss bunny crystal twinkies drooling all over my blog. New Agers make me want to kick kittens, they really do.
I need something different, something new and fun.
to my friends out there... what do you want to hear about? what do you like? with what I have done so far? what do you hate?
help.
Please comment... let me know you are out there.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Is it Art?
I am not an artist. I can not draw or paint. If someone held a gun to my head, put a pencil or paint brush in my hand and said make me a picture the blood spatter on the wall would be better than anything I could create with pencil and paper. I can not play a musical instrument. I tried back in grade school. I took up the saxophone with dreams of playing John Williams music stampeding through my young mind. I dropped it after a couple years of playing Mary Had a Little Lamb and Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. The most interesting thing we go to "play" was Ode to Joy and we were not very good at it. with both drawing, painting, and music I will have to be content just looking at or listening to those that have far greater skill than I have.
I have heard a description of art being something that is beautiful but has no real use or purpose. I can create items of leather, beads, and feathers they are beautiful I am not sure if they are art.
I think I created art yesterday. I used fire, heat, and smoke to turn three racks of pork ribs into what I will happily call art. Now just throwing some mammal flesh on a flame pit and putting some char on it is an easy thing to do. Hamburgers, brats and hot dogs are child's play. Steaks take a bit more skill but it is essentially the same thing. Getting the items finished correctly and to order is a nice trick. My wife is easy she likes her hot dogs and brats dead... DED dead, I call them 3 Mile Island or for those of you a bit younger Chernobyl dogs, no matter what you call them the end result is the same.
I have a confession to make here. The first time I tried to make ribs on a grill I totally fubared them. I was a total neanderthal and had not discovered the properties of indirect heat. The recipe said to grill them for 45 minutes and that is what I did. I came back to a slab of charcoal that disintegrated into a pile of charred bones when I touched it.... It was a fail of epic proportions. My wife still brings it up to this day in an effort to embarrass me but I find the whole thing universally funny.
I have learned a lot since that evening. I have created cedar plank salmon. for some reason I cooked it till the cedar plank caught fire and to my wonder the salmon was perfection. I have also made a couple Christmas roasts on the grill. But even after all that it was an LP or natural gas grill. Gas is easy. The heat is steady and reliable, real skill comes with using live fire.
Today I have a basic yet classic Weber charcoal kettle grill. No more electric start or knobs to turn for heat control. Now it is all amount of charcoal and airflow. Yet I can do more with that kettle grill than anything else I have ever done.
Yesterday Jonette made the rub, a mixture of sugar, salt and home made chili powder and liberally coated the racks and then it was all mine... my show, my creation. I put 33 charcoals in the chimney lighter and waited 15 minutes. I poured the lit coals over a bed of unlit ones on one side of the grill and a pan of water on the other. sprinkled on some wet cherry wood chips, put the racks on and slammed the lid down.
With the help of an electric probe thermometer stuck into the top air vent I now regulated the temp between 250 and 275 degrees for 45 minutes. The only way to do this is by carefully regulating the airflow from the bottom vents to the top. More air = more heat, It can take some time but once you get it all is good. After 45 minutes you pull the top off, turn the ribs over and switch their positions and mop with a mixture of apple cider vinegar and apple juice. Unfortunately the act of doing that allows a large influx of air to reach the coals and you have to start again with adjusting the airflow.
After another 45 minutes I cheat... true BBQ masters will snarl at me for this but I remove the ribs and put them in a 300 degree oven to finish off for another hour and a half. Yes that is cheating and I fully acknowledge that. A couple more mops with the cider and juice during their stay in the oven and....
Now the reason for the smoke, and using the grill in the first place, only become apparent when you cut into the ribs.
I have heard a description of art being something that is beautiful but has no real use or purpose. I can create items of leather, beads, and feathers they are beautiful I am not sure if they are art.
I think I created art yesterday. I used fire, heat, and smoke to turn three racks of pork ribs into what I will happily call art. Now just throwing some mammal flesh on a flame pit and putting some char on it is an easy thing to do. Hamburgers, brats and hot dogs are child's play. Steaks take a bit more skill but it is essentially the same thing. Getting the items finished correctly and to order is a nice trick. My wife is easy she likes her hot dogs and brats dead... DED dead, I call them 3 Mile Island or for those of you a bit younger Chernobyl dogs, no matter what you call them the end result is the same.
I have a confession to make here. The first time I tried to make ribs on a grill I totally fubared them. I was a total neanderthal and had not discovered the properties of indirect heat. The recipe said to grill them for 45 minutes and that is what I did. I came back to a slab of charcoal that disintegrated into a pile of charred bones when I touched it.... It was a fail of epic proportions. My wife still brings it up to this day in an effort to embarrass me but I find the whole thing universally funny.
I have learned a lot since that evening. I have created cedar plank salmon. for some reason I cooked it till the cedar plank caught fire and to my wonder the salmon was perfection. I have also made a couple Christmas roasts on the grill. But even after all that it was an LP or natural gas grill. Gas is easy. The heat is steady and reliable, real skill comes with using live fire.
Today I have a basic yet classic Weber charcoal kettle grill. No more electric start or knobs to turn for heat control. Now it is all amount of charcoal and airflow. Yet I can do more with that kettle grill than anything else I have ever done.
Yesterday Jonette made the rub, a mixture of sugar, salt and home made chili powder and liberally coated the racks and then it was all mine... my show, my creation. I put 33 charcoals in the chimney lighter and waited 15 minutes. I poured the lit coals over a bed of unlit ones on one side of the grill and a pan of water on the other. sprinkled on some wet cherry wood chips, put the racks on and slammed the lid down.
With the help of an electric probe thermometer stuck into the top air vent I now regulated the temp between 250 and 275 degrees for 45 minutes. The only way to do this is by carefully regulating the airflow from the bottom vents to the top. More air = more heat, It can take some time but once you get it all is good. After 45 minutes you pull the top off, turn the ribs over and switch their positions and mop with a mixture of apple cider vinegar and apple juice. Unfortunately the act of doing that allows a large influx of air to reach the coals and you have to start again with adjusting the airflow.
After another 45 minutes I cheat... true BBQ masters will snarl at me for this but I remove the ribs and put them in a 300 degree oven to finish off for another hour and a half. Yes that is cheating and I fully acknowledge that. A couple more mops with the cider and juice during their stay in the oven and....
Now the reason for the smoke, and using the grill in the first place, only become apparent when you cut into the ribs.
The pink area around the edges of the ribs is the holy grail of BBQ. The smoke ring, that is what makes all the work worth while.
I think it is art, it takes skill, patience, and time. The results are beautiful but temporary they do not last and as much as something might be to good to eat. You need to just eat it before the microbes get a hold of it. No use letting something so good go to waste. I ate my fill last night and will eat on the rest of them all week long.
Some still say that art can not have a purpose and if that is the case then what I created is not art in the classic sense but you can not debate it is good. Something that could turn just about any vegan into a T-rex at 20 paces is a great thing. I like my art to have a use. And like any art if you try and put sauce on my ribs I will knock you into next week. You do not take a sharpie and draw a moustache on the Mona Lisa, that just ain't right.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Come on Down Everything is On "_________"
You know the word that is missing. You are human, and the goal of most humans is to fill the empty spaces of their homes with stuff. I do not have to spell it out for you, unless you are an animal and even the smartest animal can't read. If you are not human and not an animal but can read then you must be an alien. If you are an alien become a citizen, not only is it the right thing to do but it comes with some great benefits.... what was this post about? Oh yea.
Garage Sale....
10 years ago my wife and I lived in a gigantic house. It was over 3 thousand square feet of living space, not including the 1,700 square foot unfinished basement that held 2 furnaces and 2 50 gallon water heaters. The two AC units lived happily outside. It was grand, I never ran out of hot water and the heat and ac were controllable on each floor. I could store sides of cow in the upstairs to train for my, never got off the ground, boxing career while living in tropical luxury on the main level. The point is that 10 years ago my wife and being human filled it up with stuff.
Well we no longer live in the Brown Eyes palace and are moving to a townhouse that is 1,200 square feet. I have spent the last two weeks filling a 3 car garage with 10 years of accumulated detritus that I now need to eject. There is some great stuff there.
Two very large overstuffed leather chairs and couch that have survived a constant 10 year assault by 4 fully armed and operational cats. I believe that they are completely indestructible and need a good home.
an ice cream maker that I have had for 9 years. I love ice cream and thought that an ice cream maker would be a great thing. I once had a friend who wanted to make chocolate, but he discovered that actually making chocolate was very expensive and time consuming and rapidly discovered that it was better to buy his Hershey's bars than make them himself. I have successfully created ice cream once and then decided that picking up a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food at the local market was not only less time intensive but much cheaper than trying to make it on my own. I also discovered that my name is David, not Ben or Jerry and they are much better at making ice cream than I am. I took a big breath and blew the dust off the ice cream maker and it too was added to the mountain of stuff in my garage.
The mountain contains various decorative stuff, bowls, candles, candle holders, Fluuuufffaaaaaay stuff animals that just make you want to die, old tech, geeky toys, fake plants and ivy, 2 beds, an assortment of other small furniture, unused dish sets, place mats, a shocking assortment of implements used to extract info from terrorist prisoners or to make various bar drinks. I rarely ever drink so why do I have them in the first place? I do not even know what most of them are for. The mountain grows like my own personal Kilauea.
As the mountain of random cra.... err my wife says it is all good stuff and I agree that most of it is good stuff, I feel better and better. I am not meaning this to be a rant against excess but I guess it is. It feels good to buy things to fill up the space but it feels just as good if not better to unload all the stuff.
I feel lighter with every arm full I add to that pile.
The sale is next weekend. The good feeling is tempered somewhat as I look at the pile of stuff and realize that now I must sort, price, and stage it all. But the sense of lightening my load, will become even better when humans come to the sale to pick up stuff that they will use to fill the empty places in their homes. In time they will also shake off the accumulated possessions just as I am doing... It is, in the end, a grand circle....
pssst wana buy an ice cream maker?
Garage Sale....
10 years ago my wife and I lived in a gigantic house. It was over 3 thousand square feet of living space, not including the 1,700 square foot unfinished basement that held 2 furnaces and 2 50 gallon water heaters. The two AC units lived happily outside. It was grand, I never ran out of hot water and the heat and ac were controllable on each floor. I could store sides of cow in the upstairs to train for my, never got off the ground, boxing career while living in tropical luxury on the main level. The point is that 10 years ago my wife and being human filled it up with stuff.
Well we no longer live in the Brown Eyes palace and are moving to a townhouse that is 1,200 square feet. I have spent the last two weeks filling a 3 car garage with 10 years of accumulated detritus that I now need to eject. There is some great stuff there.
Two very large overstuffed leather chairs and couch that have survived a constant 10 year assault by 4 fully armed and operational cats. I believe that they are completely indestructible and need a good home.
an ice cream maker that I have had for 9 years. I love ice cream and thought that an ice cream maker would be a great thing. I once had a friend who wanted to make chocolate, but he discovered that actually making chocolate was very expensive and time consuming and rapidly discovered that it was better to buy his Hershey's bars than make them himself. I have successfully created ice cream once and then decided that picking up a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food at the local market was not only less time intensive but much cheaper than trying to make it on my own. I also discovered that my name is David, not Ben or Jerry and they are much better at making ice cream than I am. I took a big breath and blew the dust off the ice cream maker and it too was added to the mountain of stuff in my garage.
The mountain contains various decorative stuff, bowls, candles, candle holders, Fluuuufffaaaaaay stuff animals that just make you want to die, old tech, geeky toys, fake plants and ivy, 2 beds, an assortment of other small furniture, unused dish sets, place mats, a shocking assortment of implements used to extract info from terrorist prisoners or to make various bar drinks. I rarely ever drink so why do I have them in the first place? I do not even know what most of them are for. The mountain grows like my own personal Kilauea.
As the mountain of random cra.... err my wife says it is all good stuff and I agree that most of it is good stuff, I feel better and better. I am not meaning this to be a rant against excess but I guess it is. It feels good to buy things to fill up the space but it feels just as good if not better to unload all the stuff.
I feel lighter with every arm full I add to that pile.
The sale is next weekend. The good feeling is tempered somewhat as I look at the pile of stuff and realize that now I must sort, price, and stage it all. But the sense of lightening my load, will become even better when humans come to the sale to pick up stuff that they will use to fill the empty places in their homes. In time they will also shake off the accumulated possessions just as I am doing... It is, in the end, a grand circle....
pssst wana buy an ice cream maker?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Attack of the Green Police
This morning I came into work and noticed that the trash can at my desk no longer had a liner in it. I figured someone took it or that the cleaning staff just forgot, no big deal really. I then found out that the entire building had initiated a mandatory recycling policy.
The "trash" cans at our desks are no longer trash cans but "recycle" bins. Only washed recyclable materials are allowed in the bins without liners. They have provided 4, standard desk sized trash bins for us to use for non recyclable material. There are over 100 people in this office who now have only 4 small trash cans. The amount of trash that will be in 4 piles around the office is going to be epic.
Now I am all for recycling, it is a great idea. However I do not like things that become mandatory. If they had put a green colored bin next to my desk with a note saying, "put recycle stuff here" I would happily put any scrap paper, plastic and whatnot in there. But this is " you will put recyclable material in the bins... you will wash or wipe out said materials before putting them in the bin" I don't like that.
Recycling only works if the process is made easy and voluntary. I had heard that a building wide recycling program was coming and was trying to figure out the best way I can participate. I thought they would provide a couple recycle bins for us to use but the actual program is the exact opposite.
It is too much trouble, and the implementation of a mandatory project is causing me to reject the whole thing. Is that bad? am I somehow broken that when someone says "You must do this" my first reaction is "fuck you buddy!"?
Now I have to train myself not to put everything in the bin. I am too lazy to wash or wipe everything out and I guess I will bring a plastic grocery bag from home to put my waste in and throw it on top of the inevitable trash piles that will form when the scarce trash bins overflow.
I wonder how long this will last. How many will comply? are there enough people who have reacted like me that this will be abandoned quickly?
The "trash" cans at our desks are no longer trash cans but "recycle" bins. Only washed recyclable materials are allowed in the bins without liners. They have provided 4, standard desk sized trash bins for us to use for non recyclable material. There are over 100 people in this office who now have only 4 small trash cans. The amount of trash that will be in 4 piles around the office is going to be epic.
Now I am all for recycling, it is a great idea. However I do not like things that become mandatory. If they had put a green colored bin next to my desk with a note saying, "put recycle stuff here" I would happily put any scrap paper, plastic and whatnot in there. But this is " you will put recyclable material in the bins... you will wash or wipe out said materials before putting them in the bin" I don't like that.
Recycling only works if the process is made easy and voluntary. I had heard that a building wide recycling program was coming and was trying to figure out the best way I can participate. I thought they would provide a couple recycle bins for us to use but the actual program is the exact opposite.
It is too much trouble, and the implementation of a mandatory project is causing me to reject the whole thing. Is that bad? am I somehow broken that when someone says "You must do this" my first reaction is "fuck you buddy!"?
Now I have to train myself not to put everything in the bin. I am too lazy to wash or wipe everything out and I guess I will bring a plastic grocery bag from home to put my waste in and throw it on top of the inevitable trash piles that will form when the scarce trash bins overflow.
I wonder how long this will last. How many will comply? are there enough people who have reacted like me that this will be abandoned quickly?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
GO Fever!!!!!!!!
I am still processing my Philly trip and everything that lead up to it. In short it was a disaster and a lot of it was my fault. I was not careful enough in the preparation and I made some disastrous decisions over the course of almost an entire year. I made decisions that overrode some serious internal alarms. NASA calls it "Go Fever" and when go fever sinks its teeth into any project or endeavor it never ends well.
My first lesson from the fallout is that there is good reason why many Lakota spiritual leaders have an Indians only policy regarding ceremony. Yes some of them just are not fond of white people but there is another deeper reasoning. Most non Indians have not been raised or understand the base culture. It is not that non Indians can not learn the proper expectations and cultural attitudes but that people new to our ways have not spent enough time at or in ceremony to understand the how, whys, and whats of ceremony.
My first and greatest mistake was that I could instill that understanding in a person who had very little exposure to Lakota ceremony in less than a years time. It is entirely my fault to think I could adequately prepare someone, and their family, for a major ceremony in so short a time. This is not the fault of my former friends and I should have said. Maybe we do this in a couple years, but no, everyone wanted to push forward as quickly as possible.
I provided as much information as I could. I figured that by carefully explaining what was going to happen, how it was going to happen, and what materials, provisions, and facilities were needed that my friend and his family would be ready. I know now that lists, and speaking are just not enough. Someone must experience the ceremonies as helpers for years before a true understanding can begin to occur. Even fullblood Lakotas are expected to assist with ceremony for 4 years before jumping in themselves. This four years of assisting, watching, doing and learning is important, especially if one has not had much previous exposure to ceremony. I took a short cut. I, in a prideful way, believed that I could have this man and his family ready in 10 months. Go Fever!
Mistake 2
I had to teach too much. I had to carefully explain the basics of preparation of the materials needed by the person going through the ceremony. The fact that I had to assist so much was a warning sign I should not have ignored. They were my friends, they wanted this so very badly. In an effort to not fail them I did fail them. I should have said "Not this year". I am quite sure that statement would have caused trouble but the result would have been less painful than what eventually transpired. I ignored serious gaps in basic knowledge. To my friends credit he did many things right. He carved his own canumpa or pipe that he needed for the ceremony, a task many Lakotas do not perform. It was the small details that we all take for granted that were lacking. I had to teach him how to make prayer ties and the flags necessary for the ceremony. This was a red flag that I ignored. Simple details that I take for granted because I have lived this way for decades and though it may be basic knowledge for me were beyond the scope of experience for my friend. Go Fever!
Mistake 3
The ceremony was to take place here in Colorado on land owned by mutual friends. To use this land we had to make the facilities necessary to perform the ceremony. That would take time and effort. That time and effort would have helped to prepare him and his family for the ceremony to come. Unfortunately my friend broke his leg in early spring and he was unable to do any hard labor for about 6 weeks. That was a major set back and once again I should have said "Not this year." We were not able to build the sweat and gather the materials on the land that were necessary for the ceremony. However they came up with a solution, Go Fever!
Mistake 4
My friends are from PA. Our mutual friends who own the land in Colorado also live in PA and they have a sweat lodge and a place to run ceremony. My friends planned a full family vacation to the east coast and wanted to include the ceremony into the trip. They would use the facilities in PA. They would fly me out to lead the ceremony and fly me back to Colorado when it was complete. Once again I should have said "No way, bad idea" but once again everyone wanted it, even I wanted it at this point. I had worked nearly a year to get my friend and his family as ready as I could. For final preparation I went over the list and expectations yet again.
"Do you have everything you need?"
"Yes"
At this point I should have insisted that I be shown the ceremonial materials, but I am a trusting person. If my friends say they have everything they need well I will believe them. I called the couple in PA with the land.
"Is everything ready?"
"Yes"
Ok we are all good to go. I just need to get on a plane and get to PA.
I need to go on a tangent here but it is an important one. I am very grounded I know the land out here. That is not the case with the North East. Everything is different, vegetation, birds, is and completely unfamiliar.
I get off the plan in Philly, It is hot and very humid. I meet up with the family on the land and realize that things had gone wrong. The sweat lodge was attacked and the covers destroyed. We need to get replacements. I also discovered that my friends did not have everything on the list I provided. A mad scramble is initiated to get the necessary items. Time is ticking away, my friend wanted a 3 day ceremony. Because this whole thing was wrapped up in other activities there were hard deadlines to be met.
Ceremony should be ceremony, you can not wrap it up with other activities. also trying to do the obvious easy way or trying to cut corners can result in bad outcomes. By this time everything is rapidly starting to fall apart around me. Once again I should have said "No, not this year" but we were all there and minus a few small but important details everything was ready to go. To much had been invested by everyone so we all attempt to push through it.
Mistake 5
The ceremony was supposed to start on Friday morning, the hours were spent getting the final materials for the ceremony together. finish the sweat lodge, cut wood, find a wool blanket. I was told that this was all taken care of. I pushed on, and so did everyone else. It is near sundown and I get my friend to his ceremony spot. My instructions regarding prayer ties were not followed and what resulted was a tangled mess. We spent the next hour and a half trying to untangle the ties and then decided that it would be a good prayer full job for my friend. We came down and he was up and rolling.
that evening we discovered that one of the kids was not only allergic to the cats in the house but the walnut trees in the yard. Need to find a place for the kids now. The temps for the weekend were going to be in the 90's with very high humidity.
There was conflict over the blanket, there was conflict over allergies, then there was conflict over the weather. It was a never ending assault on Sat. All day Saturday I had Riders on the Storm in my head. I had no idea why at the time.
My friend wanted 3 days on the hill, but we missed one day due to getting stuff together. so on Sunday morning we broke protocol and went up and spoke with my friend. The schedule was to bring him down on Sunday evening but to complete three days that would now by Monday evening. I compromised yet again and said we should bring him down Monday morning and call it good. Considering the conflict and how everything was going wrong I strongly felt that I should just pull him off the hill on Sat morning but that was not going to happen. I was the only one who felt this way and I did not listen to even myself at this point. My friend had to have his 3 days no matter what.
My friend's decision to stay 3 days and come down on Monday and not on Saturday caused a final massive explosion from his wife. My friend comes racing down the hill, contrary to his wife's cry that he was in serious physical danger and was either dying or going to die at any moment.
It would do no good to go into any further details of the incident other than the final outcome is.
My friend spent only 2 days on the hill, not the 3 he wanted.
Lots of hurt feelings and mistrust.
In the end it was all for nothing, all that time, energy, materials, money... poof gone. all due to massive cultural misunderstanding, attempts to cut corners and make things easy, and my own pride and unwillingness to listen to my own internal alarms.
Never again will I succumb to Go Fever in regards to ceremony, there is far to much at stake to do so ever again.
My first lesson from the fallout is that there is good reason why many Lakota spiritual leaders have an Indians only policy regarding ceremony. Yes some of them just are not fond of white people but there is another deeper reasoning. Most non Indians have not been raised or understand the base culture. It is not that non Indians can not learn the proper expectations and cultural attitudes but that people new to our ways have not spent enough time at or in ceremony to understand the how, whys, and whats of ceremony.
My first and greatest mistake was that I could instill that understanding in a person who had very little exposure to Lakota ceremony in less than a years time. It is entirely my fault to think I could adequately prepare someone, and their family, for a major ceremony in so short a time. This is not the fault of my former friends and I should have said. Maybe we do this in a couple years, but no, everyone wanted to push forward as quickly as possible.
I provided as much information as I could. I figured that by carefully explaining what was going to happen, how it was going to happen, and what materials, provisions, and facilities were needed that my friend and his family would be ready. I know now that lists, and speaking are just not enough. Someone must experience the ceremonies as helpers for years before a true understanding can begin to occur. Even fullblood Lakotas are expected to assist with ceremony for 4 years before jumping in themselves. This four years of assisting, watching, doing and learning is important, especially if one has not had much previous exposure to ceremony. I took a short cut. I, in a prideful way, believed that I could have this man and his family ready in 10 months. Go Fever!
Mistake 2
I had to teach too much. I had to carefully explain the basics of preparation of the materials needed by the person going through the ceremony. The fact that I had to assist so much was a warning sign I should not have ignored. They were my friends, they wanted this so very badly. In an effort to not fail them I did fail them. I should have said "Not this year". I am quite sure that statement would have caused trouble but the result would have been less painful than what eventually transpired. I ignored serious gaps in basic knowledge. To my friends credit he did many things right. He carved his own canumpa or pipe that he needed for the ceremony, a task many Lakotas do not perform. It was the small details that we all take for granted that were lacking. I had to teach him how to make prayer ties and the flags necessary for the ceremony. This was a red flag that I ignored. Simple details that I take for granted because I have lived this way for decades and though it may be basic knowledge for me were beyond the scope of experience for my friend. Go Fever!
Mistake 3
The ceremony was to take place here in Colorado on land owned by mutual friends. To use this land we had to make the facilities necessary to perform the ceremony. That would take time and effort. That time and effort would have helped to prepare him and his family for the ceremony to come. Unfortunately my friend broke his leg in early spring and he was unable to do any hard labor for about 6 weeks. That was a major set back and once again I should have said "Not this year." We were not able to build the sweat and gather the materials on the land that were necessary for the ceremony. However they came up with a solution, Go Fever!
Mistake 4
My friends are from PA. Our mutual friends who own the land in Colorado also live in PA and they have a sweat lodge and a place to run ceremony. My friends planned a full family vacation to the east coast and wanted to include the ceremony into the trip. They would use the facilities in PA. They would fly me out to lead the ceremony and fly me back to Colorado when it was complete. Once again I should have said "No way, bad idea" but once again everyone wanted it, even I wanted it at this point. I had worked nearly a year to get my friend and his family as ready as I could. For final preparation I went over the list and expectations yet again.
"Do you have everything you need?"
"Yes"
At this point I should have insisted that I be shown the ceremonial materials, but I am a trusting person. If my friends say they have everything they need well I will believe them. I called the couple in PA with the land.
"Is everything ready?"
"Yes"
Ok we are all good to go. I just need to get on a plane and get to PA.
I need to go on a tangent here but it is an important one. I am very grounded I know the land out here. That is not the case with the North East. Everything is different, vegetation, birds, is and completely unfamiliar.
I get off the plan in Philly, It is hot and very humid. I meet up with the family on the land and realize that things had gone wrong. The sweat lodge was attacked and the covers destroyed. We need to get replacements. I also discovered that my friends did not have everything on the list I provided. A mad scramble is initiated to get the necessary items. Time is ticking away, my friend wanted a 3 day ceremony. Because this whole thing was wrapped up in other activities there were hard deadlines to be met.
Ceremony should be ceremony, you can not wrap it up with other activities. also trying to do the obvious easy way or trying to cut corners can result in bad outcomes. By this time everything is rapidly starting to fall apart around me. Once again I should have said "No, not this year" but we were all there and minus a few small but important details everything was ready to go. To much had been invested by everyone so we all attempt to push through it.
Mistake 5
The ceremony was supposed to start on Friday morning, the hours were spent getting the final materials for the ceremony together. finish the sweat lodge, cut wood, find a wool blanket. I was told that this was all taken care of. I pushed on, and so did everyone else. It is near sundown and I get my friend to his ceremony spot. My instructions regarding prayer ties were not followed and what resulted was a tangled mess. We spent the next hour and a half trying to untangle the ties and then decided that it would be a good prayer full job for my friend. We came down and he was up and rolling.
that evening we discovered that one of the kids was not only allergic to the cats in the house but the walnut trees in the yard. Need to find a place for the kids now. The temps for the weekend were going to be in the 90's with very high humidity.
There was conflict over the blanket, there was conflict over allergies, then there was conflict over the weather. It was a never ending assault on Sat. All day Saturday I had Riders on the Storm in my head. I had no idea why at the time.
My friend wanted 3 days on the hill, but we missed one day due to getting stuff together. so on Sunday morning we broke protocol and went up and spoke with my friend. The schedule was to bring him down on Sunday evening but to complete three days that would now by Monday evening. I compromised yet again and said we should bring him down Monday morning and call it good. Considering the conflict and how everything was going wrong I strongly felt that I should just pull him off the hill on Sat morning but that was not going to happen. I was the only one who felt this way and I did not listen to even myself at this point. My friend had to have his 3 days no matter what.
My friend's decision to stay 3 days and come down on Monday and not on Saturday caused a final massive explosion from his wife. My friend comes racing down the hill, contrary to his wife's cry that he was in serious physical danger and was either dying or going to die at any moment.
It would do no good to go into any further details of the incident other than the final outcome is.
My friend spent only 2 days on the hill, not the 3 he wanted.
Lots of hurt feelings and mistrust.
In the end it was all for nothing, all that time, energy, materials, money... poof gone. all due to massive cultural misunderstanding, attempts to cut corners and make things easy, and my own pride and unwillingness to listen to my own internal alarms.
Never again will I succumb to Go Fever in regards to ceremony, there is far to much at stake to do so ever again.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The Art of Predicting the Weather
Today I was taking a break with a coworker and I asked if he had ridden his bike into work today. He said that he had and asked if I thought it would rain. I replied that it was very likely we would get rain this afternoon and in fact I felt that it could be storming shortly. It had been warm and sunny all day with scattered clouds but they were starting to build a bit. National Weather Service had posted a 10% chance for showers and thunderstorms.
I am Oglala Lakota and I get asked about weather all the time. Some even ask if I do rain dances and such. NO Lakotas were hunter gatherers, not farmers, so rainfall, although important, was not so important as to create a ceremony to encourage its arrival. I usually respond to this by saying, "If I want to make it rain I just wash my car."
When I was 5 years old I was struck by lightning. From my point of view it was not much of a big deal. I was inside a building in Stillwater MN and holding onto the door when a bolt hit the structure. I did not see or hear anything other than a woman in a red dress, who was also holding onto an other, door fly backwards. My mother and others around me reported that sparks flew from my hands as I was blown off my feet to land flat on my back.
An event such as this has great significance with Lakota people. I have not only dreamed of but been touched by wakinyanpi, thunder beings. Those that dream of or are touched by the wakinyanpi usually become Heyoka, sacred clowns. Heyoka are considered very powerful and some people even fear them. One of the primary characteristics of a Heyoka is that they do everything backwards and act out the ridiculousness of situations. They are carnival mirrors that reflect everything back in an exaggerated and reversed way. I am not a Heyoka, I have chosen to not follow that path. I am however severely right left dyslexic. I do not know if the lightning strike caused it but It could be a factor.
I can not control the weather. I can not make it rain or storm on command but I think I understand weather. I know that lightning and thunder is not created by a giant bird but charged particles in the atmosphere and that the heat generated by the resulting spark creates thunder. It is fascinating stuff but rather dry, the idea of wakinyanpi is more fun. I understand weather because I have taken the time to observe it.
Not only do we rush around so much that we do not pay attention but we also seal ourselves away from the world in our houses and cars. We rely on the news or radio to get our weather reports. It has been a about 45 minutes since my friend asked me about rain, the sky is now dark. A look at the local weather site shows the storms building over the mountains to the west and moving North East. It is not raining yet but it is only a matter of time.
Anyone can learn the weather. Go outside spend a few minutes take note of how the air feels, what direction the wind is from, the temperature, what direction are the clouds moving? If you pay attention you will learn the patterns of weather. No one is right 100% of the time and you can also use the national weather reports.... How does the map look today? Has it ever looked like that before? To know the weather you must observe it, feel it, and remember it. Before long you to can give the meteorologists a personal run for the money.
I am Oglala Lakota and I get asked about weather all the time. Some even ask if I do rain dances and such. NO Lakotas were hunter gatherers, not farmers, so rainfall, although important, was not so important as to create a ceremony to encourage its arrival. I usually respond to this by saying, "If I want to make it rain I just wash my car."
When I was 5 years old I was struck by lightning. From my point of view it was not much of a big deal. I was inside a building in Stillwater MN and holding onto the door when a bolt hit the structure. I did not see or hear anything other than a woman in a red dress, who was also holding onto an other, door fly backwards. My mother and others around me reported that sparks flew from my hands as I was blown off my feet to land flat on my back.
An event such as this has great significance with Lakota people. I have not only dreamed of but been touched by wakinyanpi, thunder beings. Those that dream of or are touched by the wakinyanpi usually become Heyoka, sacred clowns. Heyoka are considered very powerful and some people even fear them. One of the primary characteristics of a Heyoka is that they do everything backwards and act out the ridiculousness of situations. They are carnival mirrors that reflect everything back in an exaggerated and reversed way. I am not a Heyoka, I have chosen to not follow that path. I am however severely right left dyslexic. I do not know if the lightning strike caused it but It could be a factor.
I can not control the weather. I can not make it rain or storm on command but I think I understand weather. I know that lightning and thunder is not created by a giant bird but charged particles in the atmosphere and that the heat generated by the resulting spark creates thunder. It is fascinating stuff but rather dry, the idea of wakinyanpi is more fun. I understand weather because I have taken the time to observe it.
Not only do we rush around so much that we do not pay attention but we also seal ourselves away from the world in our houses and cars. We rely on the news or radio to get our weather reports. It has been a about 45 minutes since my friend asked me about rain, the sky is now dark. A look at the local weather site shows the storms building over the mountains to the west and moving North East. It is not raining yet but it is only a matter of time.
Anyone can learn the weather. Go outside spend a few minutes take note of how the air feels, what direction the wind is from, the temperature, what direction are the clouds moving? If you pay attention you will learn the patterns of weather. No one is right 100% of the time and you can also use the national weather reports.... How does the map look today? Has it ever looked like that before? To know the weather you must observe it, feel it, and remember it. Before long you to can give the meteorologists a personal run for the money.
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