Yay Sugar Gliders..... In honor of Chewy

Over a decade ago I was working at a job in Colorado Springs. It was a long commute and on my way home one night I was listening to the radio. My favorite show at the time was called The Sports Zoo, and it was a Zoo with a bit of sports worked into it. As I drove the hosts were interviewing a fellow that was selling sugar gliders at a local sports show event. He described them and how they were so small and cute and friendly and could soar through the air.

Right after the segment ended my cell phone rings. It is my wife.

wife: "Do you know what a sugar glider is?"

me: "Funny you should ask because I just found out about them myself you must be listening to the Sports Zoo."

wife: "I want one!"

me: "Are you sure? they sound all cute and fuzzy and all but....."

wife: "Oh it will be mine, I will feed it and take care of it you will not have to do any of that."

By this time I am thinking that my wife had regressed into a 6 year old wanting a puppy.

wife: "well I want one."

I get home and suddenly we are headed into downtown Denver for the Sportsman's Expo to check out sugar gliders. We get there pay our 20 dollar entrance fee and spend the next hour or so wandering around asking random strangers about sugar gliders. Most of them look at us like we are insane but we did find... the glider man. He had Shakespeare in his pocket, no not a long dead English writer, but a small gray animal that was jumping between him and delighted children.

Most sugar gliders are grey, 6 inches long with another 6 inches provided by a fluffy tail. they have big eyes and big ears and very very soft fur. They are adorable and charming little critters that we were assured were easy to care for and lots of fun after they bond with you. My wife cooed over little Shakespeare.

"I must have one" she stated, so we asked the glider man how much. He said that a glider joey, gliders are marsupials so their young are called joeys just like kangaroos, and cage was 400 dollars. My wife panicked. We were short on cash at the moment and tomorrow was payday. She asked the glider man if he would take a check. The glider man did not accept checks. I went home with a very sad wife.

The next day I get a call at work.

wife: "I have 400 dollars!"

me: "How did you... No I do not want to know."

wife: "I want a glider!"

me: "Are you sure...."

wife: "Yes! yes! I am sure! I will be responsible for him and take care of him and feed him. You will not have to do anything. It will be mine."

me: "Ok if that is what you want."

Once again we head back into Denver on the train and hand over another 20 dollars to access the expo. she runs up to the glider man and hands over 400 dollars. In return we get a 3 foot by 3foot by 3 foot metal cage, a cloth bonding pouch, some glider kibble, glider propaganda, a cdrom about gliders, an exercise wheel and she is directed to pick out her joey.

The glider man picks up a small cloth pouch and inside are several very small sleeping grey furballs. The wife sticks her hand in and all hell breaks loose. There is a sound like a dozen chainsaws and she pulls out a squirming and screaming bundle of fur and she puts it in the provided bonding pouch and proceeds to suck on her bitten and bleeding finger. The glider, who the wife will happily name Zathras is in the pouch making an ungodly mechanical whirring chainsaw sound that we will find out later is called crabbing.

It is at this point where I should say that when people find out we have sugar gliders someone will speak up and say "My daughter wanted a sugar glider so we....." They get this far in the story and I am laughing so hard I can barely see knowing the tale of pain and terror that is coming.

It is February in Denver Colorado, sugar gliders are from Indonesia and Australia so we head as quickly as we can for home, Zathras needs to be kept warm. Because the wife has the little whirring wee beastey in the bonding pouch around her neck I have to care for the cage on the the train ride home. Every few minutes Zathras would quiet down and the wife would get worried about him open the pouch and stick her hand in. Zathras would crab "NEE NEE NEE NEE NEE" and proceed to try and eat my wife. The "NEE NEE NEE NEE" is at a sound level like standing 30 feet away from Air Force One taking off and yes the other riders did notice that something was up.

We get home, Zathras is ok, and the wife is more or less still intact but the bandaid box will not survive the night. We set the cage up in the bed room. I attach the bonding pouch and set up the exercise wheel, a dish of water and another dish of glider kibble. The wife is busy with the glider brochures and all that kind of stuff when she says that there must be more information about them and directs me to do research. Zathras is now mostly quiet, he is sticking his head out of his pouch and looking suspiciously around. If he sees us, he dives back into his bag with a sharp NEE NEE NEE!

I start researching and the more I research the more I begin to dread what we have brought into our house. Yes, yes sugar gliders can be fun and charming but to get to the fun and charming part of owning sugar gliders you have to get the glider to bond with you even though you are not small and floofy with big eyes and ears. If you happen to be small floofly with big eyes and ears you should see a doctor.

It takes months to bond with your sugar glider. It takes many boxes of bandaids to stop the bleeding as your small furry but surprisingly loud ninja tries to eat you. Gliders are also a lot more work than the glider man let on. they have a special diet consisting of mostly chicken baby food, yogurt drink, honey, hard boiled eggs, and grain cereal with calcium supplements. The glider kibble Zathras was sent home with is not an acceptable food for gliders. Now for the quiz. Who as two thumbs and was immediately tasked with preparing the glider food, feeding the glider, watering the glider, cleaning the cage etc? ... yea that would be me.

We found out other things about gliders.

1. single gliders do not do well, they are colony animals and need other gliders for emotional health. - we now need a second glider.

2. The 3 foot by 3foot cage was way too small for a glider - we now need a bigger cage

3. Once your glider is bonded they absolutely live to poop and pee on you. It is their greatest goal in life. - more laundry

4. some states do not allow you to keep sugar gliders. - Colorado allows people to own sugar gliders

5. oh and they throw their food.... everywhere. baby food, yogurt, and honey is sticky.

Over the next couple years we increased our colony. We added Chewy. The wife declared that Chewy was my glider so I could no longer bring up the "you promised to take care of them" defense while cleaning the cage. Next came the sisters from a glider rescue place... Lilo and Nani. we added Gabby, another rescue who had her tail chewed off before she came to live with us.

Yes gliders are fun, and cute and cuddly, once they stop trying to eat you. Playtime is always great, after they poop and pee on you. They love toys and a well bonded glider is a great thing to have. I would however never suggest that gliders are good pets. and they are definitely not good pets for children.

A well cared for glider will live for over 10 years. some will live to be 12 to 15 years. They are a big responsibility. You have to feed them the correct food. You need to find a vet that will not look at your glider and go "what the hell is that thing?" They need lots of space, they make messes. When your wife leaves the cage open they get lose and jump on your face in the middle of the night.

Over the past couple years we lost, Lilo, then Nani, then Gabby. Zathras died last year in my hands, he was old. Chewy was just rehomed with a glider rescue group here in Denver. He was very lonely with out his buddy and it was best for him.

Most people get gliders without knowing much about them, Yes my wife and I were one of those people. If you want gliders.... Do research, lots and lots of research find a local glider rescue, too many people get gliders and can not take care of them so they give them up. They need good homes.

PS. Got a note from colorado suggie savers regarding chewy. He is healthy and was integrated with another glider his age. Chewy now has a glider buddy and is doing very well and is happy.